hey there!

happy december to you & yours!  i have a very cozy apartment right now and it sure makes me happy to be home.  fran & i got our first christmas tree together yesterday and it's my favorite to have it all lit up.  it smells so good, brings me right back to my parents' house at christmastime growing up.  i also bought a strand of twinkle lights for one of our walls and a cheapo tiny tree with lights for our bedroom.  coziness makes me so happy.
why are you writing, alexi?  i thought you ditched this lil blog?  you must be thinking.
good question, i had for a while.  today i'm writing because i feel a bit sad.  have felt sad for a few months to be honest.  nothing to be concerned about, in general my life is very sweet.  the idea of writing out my thoughts on here made me think i'd feel like i am known, and i craved that today.  and it's really appealing to me that this blog has none of the hype i used to try to give it because only a few know about it or check it anymore so it feels safe to share some more vulnerable things today.  friendships have been a struggle at this point in my life.  i've started to believe lies about myself actually.  today i asked fran if i'm likeable.  if people like me.  we missed our church small group a few weeks ago because the week before at small group i cried when we left because i felt a little invisible and i just needed a break.   i've realized that i think i need to change my expectations for friendships at this stage in my life.  it's unrealistic for me to think that i'm going to be known by & close with lots and lots of people like college felt for me.  and three months ago, i left a job where i worked with people who felt like close friends to a job where no one really knows me and you can get away with going to your desk, doing your job, then going home without talking to anyone really.  i guess the transitions of a new marriage, new job, and new church are catching up with me.  and somehow even a friend who i used to be close with but haven't talked to in quite a while unfollowing me on instagram made me feel hurt.  like what?  why does something silly like that on instagram affect me?  why do i care so much?  (maybe i'm spending too much time there).  thinking about changing my social media habits with the new year (but to be honest, i love seeing the christmas pics around this time, so i'll stay on for the month i think ;))... see what i mean?  silly! 
if you're reading this, please don't feel like you need to take any responsibility for reaching out to me or something.  i just needed to write this all out for me.  i think i'm gonna keep writing, too.  i've missed this.  feels authentically me and that feels really good.  also, i think it's important to say that i have a part to play in reaching out to people, old and new friends, and i could be doing a whole lot better at that. 
okay, can i just say one other crappy thing?  our family dog, gracie, is gonna die soon.  she's not doing well.  and i know when anyone ever talks about their dog dying it's not really that big of a deal for anyone except the family members, and i know she's not an actual person, but it really is a big deal for us.  that dog is so special and my parents are going to be so heartbroken to not live with that lil furry nug.  i was twelve when we got her!  and she's the most tender-hearted and sweet little thing.  i really do love her.  we all do a lot.  so that sucks.

to not bum you out anymore, i'm going to end this with a list of really great things going on in my life right now:
-francis.  getting tears in my eyes thinking about him right now actually, ha, and he is currently across the room from me.  he is so good, you guys.  like sooo good, WOW.  and like no one even really knows the extent of how good he is.  he is the most precious thing.  his heart, oh man.  he's just... gosh.  the very best and i love him so deeply.
-Jesus.  lately i've been especially moved by His steadiness and dependability.  He is constant and true.  there's a lot, so much, in the world that is not true or good or right or kind, but He is all of those things.  ever-present, the most beautiful thing i know.
-christmastime!  i've always always loved this time of year.  it still makes me giddy like a little child.  it's so much fun and festive and cozy and worshipful, too.  we sang some christmas songs in church today and they are so worshipful, wow.
-my fam.  mom, dad, paige, sidney, and dave.  they are the best and i love how knowing i get to spend time with them actually makes me so excited.  they are fun to be around and they make me feel like i'm funny :) they also make me feel known, too, so i crave time with them even more these days.

thanks for letting me share these things.  it actually was really helpful to write them down.  next time i'll try not to be so bummy.  i truly hope your december is off to a wonderful start.

i'll write again soon.

love,
​lex. 

hey there, friends!
it's your homegurl, lex!
remember me?!  MAN, it has been SOME time.
i am currently sitting in starbucks on this beautiful day, sandwiched between dropping fran off for a baby shower (ha, isn't that great?!  a guys' baby shower to celebrate his friend, mitch!) and going to an exciting wedding with him at 3:00!  i had free time and i'm a little far from home to head back, so here i am!  sidenote: this nitro thing that is taking over coffee shops these days is something i can GET BEHIND, ha.  my friend aft told me yesterday that i'm waaay behind the times with this, but i don't even care.  my go-to order is nitro cold brew with sweet cream, PLEASE and thank you.  and boy, there's probably lots to catch you up on, but i most prefer random lil tidbits, so here's what's in my head today...

hm.  well, if you're wondering how my marriage is, because i actually really love when people ask me that, i will tell you I LOVE IT SO MUCH.  it's been the sweetest thing in my life!  OF COURSE it's not perfect, OF COURSE there are bumps and i know we're only 4 months in.  it's funny, i feel like i need to put a disclaimer on my happiness.. like qualify it by saying all these 'buts.'  right now, i'm cherishing it every day!  i hope i always cherish it.  seeing fran is my favorite part of the day when i get home, and we joke a lot and have a lot of fun together.  he is more endearing than i realized.. just so totally lovable.  i love it so much.  i love him so much.  i'm very happy these days.  i'll keep going on, so i might as well move to the next thing, ha...

what else?  oh, i started a new job!  it's going okay.  i'm so new and don't know that much yet and no one really knows me.  i don't know, it's a new job.  there are things i like, things i don't like.  and i'm gonna try my hardest every day.

our church community is great!  we're starting to feel known and starting to know people, but i do think that'll take more time.  being part of a community group really helps.  i signed up for a women's retreat in october and i think that'll be good for me.  a hard part of the season i'm currently in has been my female friendships feel far away and distant.  i know i play a big part in that, not reaching out to my sisters.  it leaves me feeling lonely often.  i used to have good friends at work also, and that's changed too.  this women's retreat was a little intimidating to sign up for, but i'm glad i did. 

our pastor is doing a lil series about the why behind certain rituals, like communion, why we exist as a church, etc., and today's message was the why behind our sunday morning gatherings.  i loved it.  so so necessary to think about and talk about, especially as all of us have questions- "can't i just do a podcast at home for church?  can't a small group at a coffee shop be church?- why do we have to meet on Sunday mornings?"  i loved thinking through this and hearing his insight.

i'm thinkin of you, ariel!  thanks for missing my blog.  made me feel so special when you reached out.  i miss you!

i've been cooking like 95% more than i ever did before getting married.  my go-to when i was living on my own?  tortilla chips with cheese melted on top and salsa.  mmm baby.  sometimes, i'd exert myself for a bag of steam-in-bag veggies.  ha.  i've really stepped up my game, and honestly, i'm surprising myself.  guys, i'm like pretty decent at cooking!  me & francis' favorite thing that i make is something i learned from my mom, and i'll share with you so you can make it and love it like we do.  ya ready?  BURGER BOWLS.  you heard it right.  cooked hamburger meat in a bowl (like how you'd cook it if you were makin spaghetti), shredded lettuce, chopped onions, chopped pickles, chopped tomatoes, shredded cheddar cheese, ketchup, mustard, mix it all up like a burrito bowl kinda, and ohhh baby you have the floods' favorite meal.  make it make it and tell us we're wrong!

my relationship with Jesus.  bein honest, it's been dry, guys.  i've been apathetic, unmotivated, and have let some questions about Him and the world creep in and negatively impact my prayer life and my desire to spend time with Him.  it makes me sad.  i love Him so much and want to be close to Him.  but i also see myself not really trying, and choosing others things to fill my time instead.  that's just where it's at.  He is still beautiful and merciful and kind and faithful even though i'm lame.

***photos all taken by the incredible sophie of mere | photo & design, and her incredible second shooter, emily.  couldn't have asked for anyone better!

hello, there, trusty reader who's hangin on by a thread.  ha, thank you for your faithfulness to my life & thoughts and just for carin about this humble little spot on the internet.  it's so kind of you to still be here.  had a scare last week that my friend, brian, pointed out it looked like the blog was erased (shoutout, brian!  you da bomb).  but dad & i figured it out and we're back in business and i always return... even if it's months between! :/ this blog is just too special and holds so many bits of my life, i'd be real sad to see it go.

anyway, i bought a disposable camera this fall because my friend, isaac redinger, is cooler than me and inspired me to get one.  though i kept forgetting to bring it more places, it was really exciting to see the end result.  honestly, the pictures aren't very good and i have a thing or two to learn about lighting, but it was so fun to see what they'd turn out to be and find pictures i didn't even remember taking.  definitely wanna bring a film camera on my honeymoon in may!  just somethin extra special about film.  anyway.. here's a few shots over the last few months.  had to throw away some cuz they just didn't turn out, and i couldn't post a couple because my actual wedding dress is in em :), but here's a handful...

^^ this was taken in october, the day my sisters, mom, and i looked for my wedding dress.  i really like this picture actually. ^^

^^ here's me before trying on the actual dress!  such a fun day!

^^ i handed paige & sidney my camera that morning and they had to throw one of these in here, obvs. ^^

^^ mama drivin us home.

^^ my least favorite pic of the bunch because it's pretty boring, but these trees in the backyard were so beautiful that day with their sparkly leaves! 

^^ also in october, i think, my aunts and i went to a vineyard in minnesota and drank wine and had a cheese platter while listening to a trumpet player!  then we walked the grounds and i snapped this pic.

^ you can't tell, but this is my fran in denny's, one of our favorite date spots.

^^ a pic of us from my friends' spencer & jamie's wedding.

^ gold. hah.

paiger & davis.  you can just tell they're up to no good, can't ya? ;)

^ love this picture of francis.  we went to another wedding that same weekend and this was taken right outside the reception venue.

^ another picture of francis from when we parked it in caribou for a little while to do a couple creative things.

the end.  tune in for more later.. at some point... ha.  bye, friends!  i love you guys!

this was a year of incredible highs- lots of joy, beauty, and growth for me and for my family- and also some pretty low lows.  looking ahead filled with gratitude and lots of excitement for 2019. (the year i become a flood!!!  wahoooo!) :)))))
may our eyes be fixed on our beautiful Jesus as we look ahead.

happy new year!!!

(2017, 2016, 2015, and 2014)

i volunteer at my church on wednesdays as a leader of a group of high school girls and last week one of the youth pastors shared a beautiful story i knew i wanted to remember...
she (kathy) said when she was a teenager she went on a hiking trip with her best friend and her friend's very fit grandparents.  they were crossing a river on some rocks, taking big steps as they went from one rock to the next, putting long sticks into the water for balance.  kathy had already made it across along with her friend and her friend's grandpa.  her friend's grandma was the last one to cross.  she was about halfway across when she looked up, straight at her husband, with a look that said i don't know if i can do this.  in that very second, he dropped everything, all of his bags, and jumped into the water coming up to his chest, walked over to her and held his hand up to her so she could make it across.  and he hiked the rest of the day in wet clothes.
tears were brimming in my eyes as kathy looked intently at all of us saying that is what God is like.  no hesitation.  no question.  no "are you serious?  you can't do this?  ugh, fine, i'll be right there."  we look at Him with our fears and hesitations and He's there.  wading in the water for us, inconveniencing Himself, sacrificing Himself, taking our hand.
had to share it.

hey there, friends!
wow, i really ended that month with a bang, huh?  ha. promise i'll be writing more this month, but it won't be every day like november.  i'm always surprised and really touched by the people who say they read my blog.  really?  you care what i have to say on here, huh?  that's really cool.  thank you!
i'm super thankful for all the gifts november brought to light in my life by being in the habit of writing.  
but i don't have a list for you today.
today i just have something i've been thinkin for a while now.  

it's basically that i'm frustrated with myself. 
i see the person i want to be, the character traits i want to possess and how i am far from them.  the overarching goal of my life is to get to the end of it with gray hair and wrinkles, with a heart filled and overflowing with peace.  good and gentle and faithful.  so content.  so patient.  slow to become angry.  humble, generous.  quick to give what i have.  quick to give grace.  sound like anyone? (**cough**Jesus. i want to look like Jesus**)  gosh, i want that so much.  and every day i see another ugliness that comes up in me.. another way i'm not like that. 
these traits i desire are the result of a lifetime of God and i working hard on every inclination of my heart that is self-seeking, impatient, quick to become frustrated, easily offended, prideful.  but man, from here to there feels far.  i'd like to dedicate all i have to it, though.  my whole life, even.  this work is absolutely God's work and only truly possible through Him.  we cannot change without Him.  but i believe we are participants in it and He won't just make us that way without our partnership.  i don't believe you just fall into those traits on accident, like poof, one day you're really patient and forgiving.  it's not the natural flow of the world to become that way.  i actually believe it's more of an army-crawl-through-the-jungle kind of process.  what Jesus calls "the narrow path" (matthew 7:13).
​
i've been thinking about that a lot lately, the narrow path.  man, it's like Jesus knew what it would be like to be twenty-five and living in 2018 america.  talk about the narrow path.  at least for me, in my corner of the world and in my personal experience, these messages are in bold, caps, and underlined: EAT WHAT YOU WANT, DO WHAT YOU WANT, BUY WHAT YOU WANT, HAVE SEX WITH WHO YOU WANT AND HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT, LIVE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND- IF YOU DON'T YOU'RE WEIRD, HATE TRUMP, IF YOU'RE NOT POLITICALLY LIBERAL YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT PEOPLE ESPECIALLY WOMEN AND YOU LOVE GUNS, THINGS SHOULD BE FASTER FASTER FASTER, HAPPINESS IS ALL THAT MATTERS.

now please hear me.. i am not making this political.  i did not say my stance on anything.  i don't want that to be the thing you hear.  and i'm not saying there aren't good narratives in the mix, too.  i am simply stating the narratives of the world that are hard to navigate as a Jesus-follower as i see them from my corner.  is there anyone out there who is trying to navigate these, too, and feels like a little fish swimming against a massive current?  just me?
well, as one of those such fish to maybe another, just trying to figure out where Jesus is in the midst of all the screaming.. i will say, i think the call of Jesus has always been to die.  dying to ourselves means we can't do whatever we want, when we want.  it looks a lot of different ways and it's hard work.  but we have each other, and Jesus walking with us, holding our hands, quietly leading the way.  i've actually been repeating these things to myself a lot lately.  almost daily.
"Jesus said the road would be narrow."
"i can't just do whatever i want, alexi.  i am dead, i was bought with a price, and i don't just belong to myself anymore.  the old me is gone.  God's making me new now."
"God knows the way of true life.  He designed life, He knows the best way to live.  i can trust Him."  
"He knows how to really live."

keep swimming, friend.  it's worth it.  navigating life through a lens of Christ, and following Him even when it's a hard swim and the current is pushing against you, is worth it.
​keep swimming.

hi, hello!
wow, sorry friends, i've really been getting behind on these posts this month.  i guess that's what happens when i take a big hiatus like i did this summer- it becomes a sort of retraining myself to blog again.  also, last night was a late one for me.
anyway, nonetheless, i want to pause and write my gratitude for yesterday because it was a good day.
yesterday, i feel thankful...
...for a brilliant and show-stopping sunrise on my way to work.  oh, it was so wonderful.  
...for a productive-feeling session with one particular nugget at work.  we are working on things like taking his shoes on and off and putting his coat on and off and zipping and unzipping, and i'm excited for the ways things we work on here will help him be independent in his life.
...well for snow and also not for snow (you get it), but since this is a gratitude post, i'll say i'm thankful for how pretty and cozy it is at this particular time of year.  i'm also very very thankful for safety, for myself and the ones i love who were driving in it.
...for paige sleeping over because of the snow.  driving back to hudson in rush hour snow wasn't a good idea for her to do, so i'm thankful she was able to stay over.  didn't catch her for long, but it was really nice to see her this morning.
...for delicious, and i mean delicious dinner from naf naf grill, enjoyed to the very last bite by myself while i caught up on my Bible reading plan.
...for the character and heart of God revealed to me as i flipped through things i had highlighted in psalms and isaiah.  His mercy towards us really is astounding.
...for authentic talks with our high school girls at youth group.  i'm so so proud of them.  for showing up, for being engaged, for sharing real stuff.. for how my church doesn't shy away from real and hard things high schoolers are going through, but gives them tools for how to navigate what the world says love and acceptance look like while being Jesus-followers.
...for the idea of having the older women and men youth group leaders speak blessings over students of the opposite sex.  really cool and important in our world i think.
...for one glorious hour with francis flood while he was passing through to pick someone up from the airport.  met him quick after church.  i love that man so much and i almost jumped for joy at the sight of him.  it is so good to be with him, even for an hour.  whatta highlight.

catch ya tonight for my gratitude from today!  what gifts are you noticing around you?  look around today, friend.
all we have needed, Thy hand has provided.

what are you thankful for today?
all we have needed, Thy hand has provided.

hey, pal-ios!  happy happy thanksgiving!  wow, what a nice break it was for me.  four whole days to enjoy all the things i love most in life: family, FOOD, fran my love, naps, and a bunch of free chill time!  hope you got to enjoy your favorite things, and i hope food and family were high on your lists (:
hey i've been a bit absent from here due to the things i just listed but i'm gonna combine a list of gratitudes from the long weekend.  thanks for bearing with me, you kind friends who check in!
so here goes!  first things that come to my head..

i'm thankful for...
... a cozy warm home that my mom & dad work so hard on.  it's so nice to have such a cozy place to be & rest.
...sidney being home!!!  hallelu!  i love my sister and was really good to be with her so much.
...a little time away for coffee with alyssa.  we got coffee on the morning of thanksgiving last year and i liked it a lot.  not sure if it'll be a tradition every year, but two years strong so far!
...so much time with francis.  i was spoiled and now today i'm like where are you, fran??  come back!
...food.  good food.  plentiful food.  snacks and dinners and leftovers and thanksgiving and desserts.  isn't food nice? (:
...picking on dave.  haha.  i looove picking on him.  lil nug.
...time with extended family i don't get to see often.  for how chill they are.  i really like chill people. (:
...healthy grandparents!
...seeing two movies this week/end!  i think movies are really fun.  i saw fantastic beasts: crimes of grindelwald with sidney and the green book with fran and both were really good!  i'd recommend either of those if you're lookin!
...good deals!  i'm just as annoyed with the consumerism of this time of year as the next person, but... i was able to save so much money on christmas gift shopping on friday so, guess ya caught me.. i'm thankful for them dealz!
...christmas tree day!  ya gotta love christmas tree day!  i'm thankful francis was able to come, too.
...christmas decorations and christmas music!  i love this time of year.  probably because i love being cozy and christmas adds a lot of coziness.  there are lots of reasons to love christmas.
...emily and james housworth.  buddies i hadn't seen in a while.  they're such wonderful people.
...a nap with fran in the sun after church.
...a year with francis flood, my love, my dear man.  for special celebrations and thoughtful gifts.  my sweet love.
...a sweet time with fran yesterday sharing tears.  it was really really special.  i'll always remember our first anniversay.
...stillwater.  i really like stillwater.
...my parents' generosity.  how they take care of us.

...all these gifts and more.  our dear Father has lavished us with good gifts.  soo many things!  He takes care of us.  i'm gonna say it again, He takes care of us.
He's so good.
​all we have needed, Thy hand has provided.

happy thanksgiving, friends!  thank you for bein here.