a little thought about love.

\recently i've been thinking a lot about the "love is patient, love is kind..." verses (1 corinthians 13:4-7).  is it just me, or does anyone else feel sort of drop-kicked by those verses instead of wanting to stitch them on a pillow?!  because i do.  i mean, love is patient?  (ohh, so you can wait for that person in front of you in traffic to go faster, alexi... my weakness...  and you can wait even longer for God to bring things you've been waiting for together in His time... and you can give your friends & family & yourself, even, grace to not be where you want them to be).  and love is kind (so, what?  i'm not being very loving when i think in my head "please stop talking" about someone i'm annoyed by...) oof, ugly alexi's comin out, folks!  and love does not envy (YIKES.  so when i look at all my beautiful sisters, envying their hair or their relationship or their size or their job or their skills or their life, i'm actually not loving them... huh!)  love does not boast.  love keeps no record of wrongs (so i'm not loving my mom or my sisters or my dad when i hold things they've done in the past that hurt me against them now).  it is not self-seeking (...no comment...).

there really isn't a single one of those i feel i have locked down, just being honest.  and of course, we all slip up and there's grace for our wobbly-toddler knees as we're figuring it out.
i don't have any neat conclusion to this, it only just occurred to me to stop reciting this verse in that way that expects others to love me like that, but to dissect it and really think about how i'm loving.  good thing God's in the business of transforming us, huh?  cuz lawwwd, i need Him!  i want to practice these.  and have them on my mind during the day, and glued to my forehead.  because this is a nice sentiment but if i just leave it here and say "good thing God transforms us!" without doing anything on my end, then i'm just being lazy.

that's all.  for now.