this past week, holland texted me asking if i was going to be busy this saturday and if maybe i wanted to meet her and a few of my other favorite people in duluth for the day.  i didn't even have to think about it.  i mean seriously, is the pope catholic?!
i don't think my words or these pictures will possibly be able do the day justice, but that's okay.  i still can't get over it.  it was all one big glorious gift from our kind and loving God, to five very thankful people to have received it.

the day started with this picture text of my eau claire buddies on their way!  it makes me so happy!  just look at those friends!

i stopped on the way to get gas and saw these maps in the gas station and i liked them so i took a pic.  ha.

^ aaaalllll the love for these two BEAUTIFUL women!  just inside-leaking-out BEAUTY!  several times throughout the day, their individual beauty just about stopped me in my tracks!

^ not filtered at all, guys!  the colors really looked like that!  it could have been rainy and i would have been just as content, just bein with my pals in duluth, but this was an extra gift.  smelled like spring and the colors and sun felt like God was breathing new breath in my lungs!  come to think of it, that's kind of what the whole day felt like... like He was setting my legs back on solid ground and breathing new breath in my lungs.

it's hard for me to believe some people go their whole lives without ever knowing holland kabat or ariel yang.  i wouldn't want to live that life.

^^ a lil group pic!

^^ happy ariel!  such a content spirit... so peaceful and life-giving.

^ beans, too.  whatta happy man with a loving heart.
(let's also just take a minute to appreciate those contemplative senior pics of an older guy who's definitely not a senior happening on our right, and holland and isaac really strugglin down those icy steps in the middle.)

^^ they were laughing SO hard right here.  i don't know what it was about, but i was glad to witness it. ^^

^ hi, buddies!  
isaac and holland... you both are so dear to my heart!  my world is exponentially more full and sweet because i know you two.

ariel and the S.S. chip! ^^^ but seriously, look at that soul!  whatta life!

^ gotcha, holl!  you said you wouldn't like any of em, but look at this one!  look at you!!  i can't believe you're my friend!

^ this looks like a dream.  or heaven.  look at that little nook-a-sunshine!  one of those thin spaces, where heaven felt a little closer to earth.

^ i wanted to buy one of these lil hooville trees but they were a-billion-a-piece (just kidding, they were only a million! ;)), so i snapped a pic instead. ^

^^ this was one of my favorite moments of the day.  i felt like i'd never been happier.  it just occurred to me all over again that i was with some of my favorite people in the world... in the sunshine... in duluth... with some good tunes... about to do even more explorin... WHAT. ^^

^ as seen from the backseat.

^ some new friends.

^^ we could see our houses from here!  if we lived in duluth...

so there it is.
the spirit of adventure rolls on.

​on my list of favorite days of my existence, this one is up there.

sometimes during the day i have thoughts i just really want to hold on to.  or i just really want to process.  i s'pose i could journal them or something, but they don't feel overly personal so what else is a blog for, really?  plus, who knows if you might be enlightened by one of the random thoughts i have.  you don't have to read this, this one's for me.  because i just want to remember february 22, 2016 and how it felt to be 22-year-old alexi today, that's all.

***

one of the people i work with lives in an assisted living facility.  we sometimes like to just walk around the building, and today i saw the sun setting through the windows and i tucked away the sight in my heart (like how mary, the mother of Jesus, 'stored up things in her heart'...luke 2:19 :)).  the way that sun made me feel was nothing new to me, but it just occurred to me that of all the things most precious to me in the world, the way that sun looked and always makes me feel is up there.  i also wanted to hold on to the way an elderly gentleman was also staring at the sun, in his spot on a chair by himself.  my kinda man. ;)

today i wondered and thought about why God said "it is not good for man to be alone" (gen. 2:8) when adam had God and all was still in perfect shalom in the world.  i mean, probably for the sake of community and because God loves women and wanted to create women, but adam had community, with the LORD, already.  he wasn't alone, right?  why did God think he was?  i don't know if i'm making any sense.  it sounded better in my head.

another person i work with had something put in his heart a long time ago to help it.  that's about as technological as i can get with it haha, but it makes his heart super noisy when it beats and when you're quiet, you can hear it.  i like it.  it reminds me that my heart's beating, too.  funny how i forget about that super essential organ and how it never ever stops beating.

my pastor's been talking a lot about returning to the LORD lately, with it being the season of lent.  the past two sundays he's teared up while talking about how we forget our first love, and how God says "i remember concerning you, (<that's where he gets choked up) the devotion of your youth" (jeremiah 2:2).  i love so much that he's so moved.  it really means a lot to me.  
he's been talking a lot about how in order to rise from death with Christ, the dying part becomes necessary, and coming to life in the kingdom of God almost always involves dying in some way (the practice of lent is an example of this).  at easter, we often celebrate Jesus' dying like he did so we don't have to, but actually it was much more.  it was an invitation for us to participate in His death with Him so we can join His life.  i'd never thought about it like that before.  i'm so grateful for these thoughts.

so far, i will be attending four weddings this summer.  this makes me unbelievably excited.

two really important people to me were born on this day.  becca and aunt wendy.  my favorite thing is to celebrate life.  especially the life in humans who have so shaped me like they have.

sidney and i drove separately to grandma's tonight.  that's the first time the two of us drove ourselves separately to anything and also left to go to separate places.  that's weird.​  we're like grown-ups now, huh.

i'm such a sucker for "unforgettable" by nat king cole.

it's cool to see what i think are Godly practices being implemented in my workplace without anyone really thinking of them that way.  like having healthy boundaries with people and taking care of yourself and doing "life-giving" things (not calling them that) to recharge... during the meeting i had today i wanted to cough and say "ahem, sabbath, ahem." ;)

oh, there's a lot of other things i thought about today.  i thought a lot of things.  but i'm tired and i'll just be done for now.

Jesus, You are Lord.  and Your goodness is so undeserved. 

^^  & here's a picture of this wittow babyyyy koala if you didn't feel like reading anything tonight.  or to thank you for hanging in there with me.  you made it and you rock.

looooook at iiiiitttt!  just takin a lil nap!  (i'm saying all of this in a certain voice holland uses when something's cute in my head.  because i miss her.  always)

^ here we are! ^

^ this is the spot we had the tea party!  called the "mad hatter" ... ^

^ also.  VICTORIA & JAKE ARE ENGAGED!  EN-freakin-GAGED!  all the heart eyes and salsa-dancin-girl emojis!  HOORAY HOORAY!  honored to be a part of the celebration. ^^

i hope your valentine's was lovely!
last year's HERE and holland day, two years ago in little video form, HERE. (:
​...WOW, i miss that so much.  i miss coral & syd so much. :,(

one thing i think i missed out on growing up in a nondenominational church is certain days/times throughout the year that are really set aside and acknowledged (certain ones i disagree with, like the assumption of mary, etc.)... but specifically, ash wednesday.  in the past i've been so turned off to these days, like ash wednesday and lent and even advent, because i thought there was too much of a spirit of obligation and insincerity around them, which may be true for some but was not very loving or accurate of me to have the whole catholic church/other denominations represented in my mind that way.  i think there's something really beautiful about the idea of rhythms in the year to acknowledge different things and seasons.  besides God naturally setting everything up in seasons/rhythms (like the sabbath, day & night, women's monthly cycles, changes in weather throughout the year, life milestones), it is important to set up those spiritual rhythms in our lives as well, in sincerity.  i think ash wednesday helps prepare our hearts for easter.  i attended my first ash wednesday service yesterday (at the nondenom church i go to, which i thought was cool!) and was struck by the emphasis they placed on turning to the LORD and returning to the LORD.  it seems my life is a squiggly line going towards the LORD, instead of a straight line.  it is going in His direction, always, but there's that wandering and then that redirecting back to Him that is constantly taking place.  i am thankful for this public acknowledgement of our wandering and of the need to turn, once again.

from dust we are and shall return.

for bein a girl!  i thought that a lot yesterday... i know femininity looks a lot of different ways for different women, but for me it looks like dresses and red fingernail polish and wanting to be protected/taken care of and hair clips and mascara and sometimes, if i'm feeling bold enough, lip color!  i love bein a girl and i love femininity!

for car heat!  thought that many times today!

for holland.  calling me just because she missed me and tellin me little treasures about her life right now.  i felt so darn loved by that.

for THE SUN.  THE SUNNY SUN SUN.  it's amazing what it does to me!  i think the folks i work with are starting to get annoyed with how much i babble about its loveliness.  i just can't help it!

for my sleeping dog right next to me now.  faithful little buddy.  little edna mode. (;

for how those "love is" verses are starting to change the way i think and are releasing me from the festering spirit of comparison.

for my pastors' humility.  great, knowledgeable men leading our church so well.

\recently i've been thinking a lot about the "love is patient, love is kind..." verses (1 corinthians 13:4-7).  is it just me, or does anyone else feel sort of drop-kicked by those verses instead of wanting to stitch them on a pillow?!  because i do.  i mean, love is patient?  (ohh, so you can wait for that person in front of you in traffic to go faster, alexi... my weakness...  and you can wait even longer for God to bring things you've been waiting for together in His time... and you can give your friends & family & yourself, even, grace to not be where you want them to be).  and love is kind (so, what?  i'm not being very loving when i think in my head "please stop talking" about someone i'm annoyed by...) oof, ugly alexi's comin out, folks!  and love does not envy (YIKES.  so when i look at all my beautiful sisters, envying their hair or their relationship or their size or their job or their skills or their life, i'm actually not loving them... huh!)  love does not boast.  love keeps no record of wrongs (so i'm not loving my mom or my sisters or my dad when i hold things they've done in the past that hurt me against them now).  it is not self-seeking (...no comment...).

there really isn't a single one of those i feel i have locked down, just being honest.  and of course, we all slip up and there's grace for our wobbly-toddler knees as we're figuring it out.
i don't have any neat conclusion to this, it only just occurred to me to stop reciting this verse in that way that expects others to love me like that, but to dissect it and really think about how i'm loving.  good thing God's in the business of transforming us, huh?  cuz lawwwd, i need Him!  i want to practice these.  and have them on my mind during the day, and glued to my forehead.  because this is a nice sentiment but if i just leave it here and say "good thing God transforms us!" without doing anything on my end, then i'm just being lazy.

that's all.  for now.

or really of chris martin.  i play this one over and over and over and over in my car!

fun facts about myself for your entertainment:

i am the worst (worst worst worst) at responding to text messages.  i think we all can agree. ha.  it's bad.

when the offer's up for someone to be the car dj and choose the music, it's really really hard for me to be submissive and let someone else do it. haha.  especially when everyone else is not saying anything/are indifferent.  sometimes i need to sit on my hands and think, "alexi, someone else can do it.  you don't need to.  give someone else the chance."

i always say good morning to my dog.  ha!  i know it sounds weird, but i just really think it's important to pay attention to her and spend a little time petting her and saying "good morning!" super loud and excitedly when i wake up.  say what you will but my dog is so happy to see me every morning now!  that one i probably could have kept to myself... oh well.

speaking of things i could keep to myself, multiple times every day i think "why are you saying that, alexi?  you didn't need to share that random thing."  (see my snapchat videos** haha!)  literally story of my life.

i use my sister's hairbrush and toothpaste and sometimes lipstick without asking.  i think she's annoyed by it sometimes but i still do it.  whoops.

wearing/borrowing other people's clothes is like a love language to me.  it sounds so weird, but even like a hair binder or sweatshirt or shoes mean so much to me to wear if it's my friend's or sister's.  and i'll proudly say "it's so-and-so's" or "it's my sister's" if anyone ever asks where it's from.

few things make my heart come alive as much as experiencing other cultures/learning from people from other cultures about their cultures.  i went to an african deli in the middle of brooklyn park the other day and was the only white person in sight and i didn't recognize anything on the menu and it was kind of hard to understand the man through his accent and it made me SO happy.

when i'm crabby, i get so upset and frustrated at myself for being crabby that i get more crabby.

i know it's corny, but i LOVE valentine's day.  plenty of snarky people who think it's a hallmark holiday and an obligation have tried to persuade me otherwise, but it hasn't worked.  i love it and i don't care.

i have a really hard time responding to compliments/general encouragements.  i struggle with not knowing what words can convey how much it means, so sometimes i don't even try and it looks rude, probably.  i'm so sorry if i've ever done that to you.

i never know how to respond to "how are you?" and am trying to break the habit of replying with "good!" because we all know that doesn't really tell anything.

i am, at the core, a people pleaser and i'm really working on not being that.

& here's an abrupt ending because that's all i could think of.