my dad's 51 tomorrow.  
it's difficult for me to talk about my dad without tearing up.  it's not an unusual thing for me to sporadically think about him & how good he is and just cry, by myself.  ha.  i wish you all could know him.  i wish you all could see the quiet, little things that fill up his daily life.  things that i love so much about him and the person he is.  like the guys he meets with at 6 in the morning every friday without fail for Bible study.  or the way he spends his money.  or the way he teases random strangers and makes them feel important by his questions.  like the amount of times i've seen him reading his Bible in the morning with his scrambled eggs.  or the visits he makes across the cities to check in on our friends from iraq.  or his willingness to sit with me through i love lucy episodes because he knows how much i love them.  or that time i was mad at him about a theological topic and he said, "lex, who am i to say how God should or should not be?" or how FUNNY he is or how he just doesn't put up with my crap and two summers ago when i was sad and frantic about life and sat on his office floor and said "DAAAD!!! i'm going through a quarter life crisis and i'm not even a quarter life!" he said "no you're not" without even looking up from his computer.  ughh, there's no one like him.  it's his gentleness and humility that are so like Christ.  the tangible light inside of him that is undeniably Jesus.  he knows me better than anyone and sees every terribly ugly side of me that comes out and still loves me and treats me with respect and grace.  his life is the most precious to me and he's my favorite thing to talk about, ha.  Jesus, how could you have given me such a father?

ugh, wow.

there are a few thoughts brewin in my mind, and this is one that has lingered a little longer.  been soaking in it a bit.

the LORD is my shepherd,
i lack nothing.  
i lack nothing.  i lack nothing.  i lack nothing. (psalm 23:1)

i don't know, guys.  i don't know too many people who talk like that.  saying 'i lack nothing' seems like it's wrong at first.  but i want to say it because it's the truest thing.  of course there are things i deeply desire to become, to have, to know, to love.  but to say with full confidence, today, even now... twenty-three-year-old alexi with zits on her chin and all... my car currently being repaired, with a not-yet-certain housing situation in a couple months and no husband or baby, with real hurts and struggles, not yet the person i want to be, still in the process of becoming... that i lack nothing?  
***(i want to just take a sec to admit my place of privilege in the few things i just listed, as a white, able-bodied, middle class person, and i want to be sensitive to the reality that what i am saying i feel as personally lacking may come across as a dream or being a diva compared to some of the difficulties and very real pain in the lives others walk.  not to discredit my feelings, but acknowledge that some are struggling with much deeper things than i, from food on the table to deep loss and maybe not even having a car to fix, to every other thing that feels very lacking.  i recognize that for me to say i lack nothing may actually feel easier than for others who may need to clench their teeth as they say it because it's so difficult to swallow, maybe even difficult to really believe.  i want to validate those feelings.  i ask for your grace in my personal lens of the world and where i'm at, and that you still might consider these words before writing me off.)
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i feel that to lack nothing is to say that essentially, our souls are well and at peace because the LORD is our shepherd, the one who takes care of us. i lack nothing is an incredible thought to me.  one seeping with contentment and gratitude.  and peace.  despite anything and everything in life that tells us we are greatly lacking.  may we seek to notice every little way the good Shepherd takes care of us and may we always say, in every hard thing and every beautiful thing:

the LORD is my shepherd,
i lack nothing.  

^^ as seen from holland's home.  so beautiful!

haha the girl i'm sitting next to at the coffee shop i'm in just said to me, "that was a really good book you were reading.  He dies in the end.  comes back to life though!" and i laughed and said, "my favorite story!" and she said "one you could read over and over" with a smile. (: wanted to remember that interaction.

i meant to post this like a million years ago but kept forgetting.  i think every person needs to watch this.  carve out the 20 minutes, please please!

i love my sister.  terribly proud of who she is and who she is becoming.