"(at pentecost after peter had preached the first great christian sermon).  'now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto peter and to the rest of the apostles, men and brethren, what shall we do?' (acts 2:37)  this 'what shall we do?' is the deep heart cry of every man who suddenly realizes that he is a usurper and sits on a stolen throne.  however painful, it is precisely this acute moral consternation that produces true repentance and makes a robust christian after the penitent has been dethroned and has found forgiveness and peace through the gospel."

(taken from the knowledge of the holy, by a.w. tozer)

...when one of the people i work with said to me, "guess what i did this weekend?!  you'll be so proud!"  and i said, "what?!" and he said, "i went to church!" (: i am proud, pal.
...when that same person asked me if i thought pastors really do watch how they act all the time and i got to tell him what i thought it looked like, for all people, to live when you follow Jesus.  my job doesn't let me talk about God, guys!
...when ariel yang called me on snapchat (didn't know you could do that...) and my favorite buddies holland and isaac and ron were there, too!! (and kristina, too, when they sent the snapchat above!!)
...when cory long was in the cities for a presentation and called me up to get pho!  and that spot we sat in the sunshine!
...when emily lancette (almost emily-freakin-housworth!) sent this little vid (:
...when i got to kiss and stare at little two-month-old finlee juedes for four hours on saturday! (!!!)
...when my new friends did a house concert on the deck of the loveliest little home, with twinkle lights, and all of us sat on lawn chairs with beer and snackies.
...when i listened to s. carey in the car in the pouring rain, thinking of holland and how she loves rain.
...that little piece of heaven on earth that was the reservoir band show in eau claire.  the happiest, sweetest reunions and displays of love and dancing and humility and alllll the friendssss and alllll the thankfulness!
...when holland said "i know you." after asking me somethin that really showed she knows me.  the most precious thing someone could say to me!
...when i teased amy for her diva hipster salad and she called me a punk.
...when coral and i reconnected finally and it felt like no time passed at all.  i guess family's like that, though.
...dad's dance moves and when mom said "you'll be movin out a whole lot sooner, alexi rae!" after i snapchatted them practicing their dancin and dad's like "ooooooooh!" (:
...when paige calls dave "dave buddy"
...when me and sid sat in the kitchen after mom & dad went to bed, just talking about our lists of the greatest movies of all time.
...when i got to read the magicians nephew for a while before work, while it was raining hard.
​...singing along with my friends every day in the car because i have their voices on cd!!  me & holland harmonize together all the time (:
...all of those times syd showed me so much grace and kindness throughout the wedding invite process... and just her voice on the phone.
...when two of my favorite people in the whole world started dating.
...the thought that so so soon i get to be roomies with alyssa and kassandra!! two fridays from now, baby!

i don't know about you guys, but every so often i need to do serious heart checks.  sometimes every week, sometimes every day.  where i just need to stop, step back and really examine the condition of my heart.  (hi, by the way.  haha, it's been a while, huh?!  i apologize for my long time away!)  anyway, lately i've found two major things in these heart checks: selfishness/egocentric motivation and comparison/jealousy of the incredible women in my life.  i don't necessarily think there will be one day when i don't find anything unsightly like that in my heart this side of heaven.  i think i'll always need to do those heart checks.  i'll grow and hopefully get better at sucking less (haha) and the goal is to look more and more like Christ as i follow Him, but i don't know if there will be a day where Jesus won't need to be workin on something inside of me.  and these two things, i'm learning, are pretty much just symptoms of a heart that's fallen into worshiping the idol of self (again, ughh) and not Jesus.  to work on the symptoms and not that root would be a little silly.  so i guess the answer is to press into Jesus like i haven't been doing and He'll show me how to love and how to freaking get over myself and have eyes open to really see what's going on outside of myself.  

but aside from that, one thought i've had lately in regards to the comparison thing is this: (inspired by none other than leslie knope from the pawnee parks department, who loves her friends crazy well)... i want to be my friends' biggest fan.  i want to have their pictures in frames on my desk like leslie does of her best friend ann, and i want to compliment them all the time and i want to love them like those verses, "love does not envy, love does not boast, love is not self-seeking."  i can do better.  i can lift up better.