pastor dave's tears in church.  talking about how we imagine crowds of people around mother teresa or paul or peter when we get to heaven but how they'll all be pointing to Jesus and singing of grace, just like us.  fellow laborers.
hot sunshine.
creating something special and eating a scone across from my sister.
wendy wanting to say a quick hi when i picked up sidney outside of church.
giving wendy back her tupperware.  borrowing tupperware.  an example of being in community with someone, i think.
buying twenty dollar glasses.  i'll never pay more ever again!
back & forth office quotes with paige.
grilled toast at the end of a long trendy table striped with sunshine.
a hug from alyssa before she leaves for san francisco for the week.
so many pregnant bellies at nathan & mar's housewarming party!
a new week ahead.  usually mondays are a bummer.  trying to look at them not so bummer-y.
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1)  to me, weekends should be a glorious mix of both friends and family.  like last saturday!  so glorious.  time to be taken slowly, not hurried, doing restful and intentional things with people i love.  that's how i'd define an ideal saturday.  today held a lot of those qualities and i find when my days off are spent that way, i'm just so refreshed and in the right mindset by the end of them.  
started the day with a work out that left my body feeling settled and peaceful, i got to get coffee with my roomie and a friend of ours who talks about life and Jesus really beautifully, then i enjoyed the beautiful (beautiful!) sunshine with my aunt wendy and grandma... catching up on life, napping, snacking.. and ended the day carpooling to my parents' house with wendy because being around them fills my cup right up.  then on the way back, wendy and i had a really striking conversation about death that ended with peace on our minds because of Jesus, and awe that we have Him.  i'm very thankful.

2)  i know this is so obvious, but MAN, instagram just doesn't compete with real life, it's crazy.  i had that thought today while i was looking at mom's freckles and hearing rachel's voice/loud laugh and walking outside my apartment after my work out in the peace of morning when no one was really stirring yet, going out or coming back.  i'm sure no one actually thinks it does compete with real life, but i think we all need to bring that to our attention more often. i'm all for the gram and totally love pictures and sharing, but it'll never fully convey what it means to be alive... what it means to be alexi speich or (insert your name).

3)  there's this verse in nehemiah (3:12, to be exact) where after a bunch of dudes are listed over and over as the ones who helped rebuild the wall of jerusalem, this little verse says "shallum son of hallohesh, ruler of a half-district of jerusalem, repaired the next section with the help of his daughters" and i might've fist-bumped the air when i read that and wrote "get itttt" right in my Bible because GRL PWR.
 
4)  this dude that made a comment on my blog a while ago still comes in the back of my head in posts like these and it's so stupid.  i'm not going to let him minimize my taking joy and soaking in every detail of a day well spent as being "sappy" and sharing too much, thus making me undesirable by "real men" and i'm not going to let him make me feel like i can't say "GRL PWR" & "get itttt" because it makes me sound like a "tweenager."  words, man.  crazy how they stick.  remember that, friends, for the next time you make an anonymous "critique".. or just don't.  (taylor swift would write a song, i did a note in a blog post (;)

5)  i'm going to go to bed now because i'm tired in a really good way.

1) today was so beautiful.  it begun with writing words to my newly 18 sister in a card on my kitchen table and then being picked up to celebrate her life in the hot sunshine with mom & dad, too.  getting so giddy over all the colors of "rainbow chard" at the farmers market and loving how creative God is, eating really good food made with care, and being outside as much as possible.

2) then i got to see two of the very dearest and significant people in my life, holl and isaac, in a new minneapolis spot that does atmosphere really well, feeling spurred on and encouraged and cared for, talking about what we love, what needs to change, what we're learning, what we're reading.  leaving my time with them feeling a bit closer to Jesus.  mmh.  my kinda afternoon.

3) began reading dietrich bonhoeffer's the cost of discipleship this evening, like i've been meaning to do for a while, and learned the difference between cheap grace and costly grace and my mind was blown.

​4) holland told me how the areas we need to grow in can be really exciting instead of discouraging (like they usually are for me), to think about how we're not there yet but can be/will be one day as we grow more & more like Jesus.  that was so so encouraging to me, so thought it could be that for you too.

5) i have some pretty extraordinary people in my life and i am so utterly thankful.

pretty mama holding sidney's flowers, and the loveliest birthday girl there ever was.  ^^

beautiful cass.  i love you so.

i went to a funeral last friday.  ian packo, who i'd seen around at church and had talked to a few times had just joined the young adults group i volunteered to host.  the group had only met once and the second time we all met up, ian wasn't there.  just like that.  my mind still can't fathom the thought that he's gone.  i didn't know him very well, but being 24, you just don't think that someone won't be around anymore.  that kind of thought never crosses my mind.  it's so strange... that i have his number in my phone and his email in our group messages and now no one can use either one.  it's not like he moved away, he actually stopped existing this side of heaven.  man.  
in the programs we were given at his funeral there were inserts of a writing ian had done.  i wanted to share it because it is one of the most stunning things i've ever beheld.  i want to frame it or something.  i just might.
anyway. 
...
mighty warrior
by ian packo, based on ephesians 6: 10-17 

i want to be a great and mighty warrior; my voice filled with power and authority- scattering the enemy, my blood burning like fire with passion, justice, and joy, my limbs filled with strength to lift up those around me and carry any burden, my suit of armor shining like the sun, deflecting the weapons of the enemy, my shield great and broad, protecting the helpless, my sword sharp and swift, striking down the enemy.  but...
i found that; my sword is bent and blunt, my shield split and too heavy, my armor rusted and too big, my skin is like tissue paper, my bones like glass, my blood has turned to ash, my voice is hollow, a silent scream, a rattle of death.

but the King came to me, the only light my blind eyes could see.  he knelt in the mud beside me.  i was helpless to stop him as he removed my helm.  he lifted a water skin to my lips.  reluctantly, i started to drink, then desperately, until he removed it for fear i might choke.  gently he tried to take my sword, but i struggled against him.  slowly i became willing and released it to him.  gently he tried to take my shield, but again i struggled against him.  slowly i came willing and released it to him.  gently he tried to take my armor, but again i struggled against him.  slowly i became willing and released it to him.  naked and helpless i lay before him.  he bound my wounds.

he removed his armor and clothes, and dressed me in them.  they shone like the sun and were well fitted.  he gave me his sword, faster than light, sharper than a razor.  he gave me his shield, stronger than the earth and light as a feather.  his blood he poured into my veins, his voice put into my mouth.  his servants came and returned him to his kingdom.  now i fight for the King, his life burns as fire in my veins, with his voice i speak and shout.  with his strength i lift burdens up to him and carry the weak and wounded into his presence.  with his shield i defend those around me.  with his sword i drive away the enemy.  until my King calls for me to rest in his palace.


​...
if that isn't grace, brokenness, and beauty defined...

today i'm thankful for
grace.
that word keeps coming up in my mind.  i cried a lot today and i don't really know why i did.  i just did.  i'm frustrated with myself for a lot of different reasons... ugliness that leaks out of me when i let it slip, like i'd been holding it in and every once in a while my true selfish, snappy, clingy, me-first self rears its ugly head when i just so badly want to be like Jesus.  i so hunger to be truly humble, to not be so annoyed by humans, not so impatient, not worried about money at all, a much better friend, confident in the person God made me, confident in love... that i am loved and that i am capable of loving in His kind of unnatural, shocking love.  sometimes i feel like a fake.  like minnesota nice instead of the kind of Jesus character that you can't fake, that only comes from walking with Him and learning from Him.  the kind of Jesus character you can't muster on your own without Him.  though i've tried to muster it.  oh, i've tried.  so today, yep, i'm thankful for grace.  for forgiveness.  
i'm not yet where i want to be, but Jesus also doesn't expect us to clean ourselves up before we come to Him.  He just wants us to come.  He's okay with me being on a journey towards redemption and transformation.  i'm not there yet but i'm on my way.  thankful for that.  so thankful.  i think i've taken those truths for granted in the past.