it's funny, i was thinking i would have a hard time filling this post with pictures like i have the past couple years, but i actually had a hard time narrowing it down.  i had forgotten how memorable the year really was.  gosh.  you never know where a year will take you.  with all its hardships, beauty, and growth, i am thankful for 2016.  it is a gift to be living.

in 2017, may the LORD turn His face toward you and give you peace.
(numbers 6:26)

(2015 reflections and 2014 reflections)

merry christmas to you.  i hope you had a restful and meaningful christmas with ones you love.  i recognize that those things might not've been realistic for you for several possible reasons, to which i'd like to say that you're not alone, that your pain is validated, and the norman-rockwell-type expectation of how christmas should be is bogus anyway.  though the season is very joyful and beautiful, it's also hard for some (kinda like how all of life is, with that mix of both) and my dad reminded us on christmas night that christmas is the day the most suicides take place every year.  though it seemed out of place and like a shocking downer, i think it's important for us to be aware of the difficulties felt by many brothers and sisters.  family stuff, loss, financial hardships, and loneliness seem to be extra hard around christmas and i want to be sensitive to that very real pain.
   
and here are some pictures from the speich corner of the world this day.  not perfect.  definitely a bunch of family quirks and frustrations just like the next family, but this family of mine means so much and christmas is special to me, so i snapped a few pics...

^ haha.  those divas.  sidney got a sleeping at last record and i don't know if you can tell from the picture, but the design on it is so neat.

^ super jealous of paige's llama jammie pants.

^ mama!  the most generous person i know.  (and i know a lot of people!) she teaches me all the time with her life.

^ those noobs.  if anyone was wondering, those are both of their making-fun-of-lexi faces.  i'm so glad i got them on camera... i see those faces a lot. haha.  also, the gifts!  whaaat?!  part of me is like, gross, we don't need all of that, but the other part is thinking we just all really love each other and wanted to spend a little more than we even could to pick out special things to show each other our love.  i'm so thankful.

egg bake every yearrrr holllleeerrrrr

dad's side of the fam!  the most special and exciting part of this christmas for me, was that four of our friends from iraq came to our christmas!  their first american christmas! (they left before we took the pics).  it meant SO much to our family and was so special the way the extended family embraced them and wanted to know them.  

^ i love this picture.  quality.  haha.

^^ our "oh no, the camera is falling!" dorky family pic has become our tradition.  i think some of us are over it.  i'm not.  i'm allll about it.

^ daaave.  he joined us this year!  having him around is normal for me.  i like that.  such a good buddy to paiger.

^  i love grandma & grandpa in this picture.  so precious! ha.

so much gratitude.


christmas last year (2015), 2014, 2013.  

merry christmas eve eve (!!!) here's a toast to togetherness, and all the beauty and all the rich sweetness of life with Jesus in it.  
​Jesus changes everything.

new jobs are hard.  feeling overwhelmed and inadequate all day, day after day.  being the one people don't know.  that's hard.

thinking about aleppo is hard.  so hard it makes me squirmy and makes me not want to think about it at all because that's just easier.  but not thinking about it is harder.

doing or saying ugly things is hard.  i don't know about you guys, but some of my ugliest sides come out when i'm with my family.  i think it's because i feel most safe with them and know their love for me won't be taken away if i mess up, but gosh, so many times i've thought i'm really growing with Jesus and see changes in my heart and then i do or say something insensitive or hurtful or prideful or whatever and think yuck!  uuuugggghhhhh where did that come from?!  that's not me!  that's not where i want to be!  like i forget about Jesus' work in my heart and who i am becoming.

going to bed at 9:30 is hard, but so is not going to bed at 9:30.

the old testament is hard (beautiful and other things too, but i'm just acknowledging things that are hard right now, you know, in the spirit of christmas! ;)).  ...leviticus chapter 27 is hard.  what the heck am i supposed to do with leviticus chapter 27?  i'm trying to have a heart posture of trying to understand and not make assumptions when i approach the old testament, but some of it is quite hard to swallow and i just don't know where to put it and i've heard that thinking God is the mean one from the old testament and Jesus is the nice one who came to kiss our booboos and save us from that mean God is the wrong way to think about God the Father, but you read leviticus and tell me you don't have some questions and He isn't a little scary and it doesn't seem like He values men more than women and that He doesn't think it's okay to have slaves... i've been struggling with this lately, guys.

also i just realized that much of what is hard for me lately is also very humbling.  very who-do-you-think-you-are-alexi-speich... to assume who God is fits into what i think He is or should be... to have my biggest difficulties right now be having to go to bed early and whether or not to think about the tragedies that are some brothers' and sisters' reality.  hmm.  how bout that.  how very good for me, that dose of humilty.

you guys!  there are so many incredible women participating in dressember this year, it's insane!  for those unfamiliar (which at this point, it seems like there can't be anyone unfamiliar anymore, ha!), dressember is a month of women around the world choosing to wear a dress every day for the month of december with the purpose of advocating for the 27 MILLION women enslaved in sex trafficking, and also each fundraising for money to give to beautiful, life-saving orgs like IJM (international ustice mission) and a21, who are actively rescuing women and providing tons of recovery resources (such as therapy).  i personally think the ladies of the upper midwest are the mvps of this whole thing for participating in dressember even when they know full well a freaking -500 degree day could be a reality during the month, ha!  but really.
here's my thing: even if you don't know any of these women above, if you follow Jesus, partnering with missions like these are really, honestly not an option.  i know that sounds strong, but i really believe it.  i just can't think in my mind of a reason good enough not to partner with our sisters in releasing women from being told and shown that sex is their worth.  i just can't.  there really aren't any excuses to not get on board with this.  this matters SO MUCH, and i think Jesus would be at the front of the pack in this, blazing the trail.  i'd like to challenge you to consider clicking any of the links below to give financially (or prayerfully!) to any one of these rockstars.

LYNITA, EMILY, EMILY (there are two haha), MEGAN, ALYSSA (& her friend kassie!), GRACE, MEGHAN (not pictured)

(i know, that title sounds a little sketch, but it's not what you think!)
i heard john mark comer (yeah, sorry, i'm annoyed at myself for how much i talk about him, too, ha..) describe "the spiritual discipline of secrecy" as doing really awesome Jesusy things without anyone knowing about them.  how keeping whatever it is... giving money without a name on it, volunteering somewhere regularly and telling no one, etc... a secret, just between you and God, knowing He's the only one who will ever know, creates beautiful intimacy between you and Him.  and starves your pride (which i think we all need regularly in our lives).  
i keep thinking about this.  i think it's beautiful.  i want to grow in this.

a prayer of mine lately has been simple... "God, grow in my heart."  i think this is one beautiful practice that can give Him space to grow in our hearts.