i get to know God and walk with Him, grappling and failing, but with Him, as long as i shall live and beyond... i get to be with Him forever!
these verses: "endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. for what children are not disciplined by their father? if you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. how much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! they disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (hebrews 12:7-11) i'm just thinkin about them.
a few of my friends are in differing degrees of raw pain right now, and i am learning so much about how to be okay with that, to allow God to use their pain and sit with them in it, instead of wishing i could take it away or fix it. i have found myself often saying (out loud or just to the LORD) "HELP! i don't know what to do, i don't know how to love them!" but what a humbling place of recognizing that God is God and i am not. i am not the healer or comforter. oh how the LORD picks us up.. how He teaches us how to love and comfort when we don't know how (and admit that we don't know how).. as odd as it sounds, i am learning not to ask God to take pain away, because it has the capability of thrusting that person into the arms of Jesus deeper than anything else.
i had a dream the other night that i was dying and riding in this car. and each person in my life came in the car individually so i could spend a few minutes of cherished time with them as our last.. so i could tell them how much they meant to me. it sounds so depressing, i know! i'm sorry! promise i'm not trying to be a bummer, i actually kind of want to live my life like that a little, like i only have twenty minutes left with each person so i can cherish the people around me better and embrace them as gifts.
i can't wait to eat pie on thanksgiving. and have a beer.
i am so proud of my dad. he planned something meaningful for our family and another family at church to do over thanksgiving break simply to show these other people that they are loved. i love how he leads our family. i love his commitment to Christ. it's the most precious thing to me.
i read a verse in job today that made me so thankful for life.. "as long as I have life within me, the breath of God in my nostrils..." and i thought, how rare to be alive!
i have to go read a psyc article for class tomorrow, soo i should do that.. especially in light of what cory told me about procrastinating today ha... okay okay, i'm goin! daaaad! (:
thanks for following along! my thoughts are a little bit more heavy tonight, and a little all over the place but i think that's okay.