i have an embarrassing, childish secret: i have talking-on-the-phone-insecurity. there, i said it and i hate it. i hate even writing this. i don't even know why it's a thing. so, i'm sorry, dear friend or family member who may have noticed this because i'm often hard to reach.. i promise it's nothing personal! but it's really something i need to work on. ughh...
lately, lucas has been saying, "wexi, will you hold me?" while following me with his arms in the air in that two-year-old voice and i practically die every time.
i want to love and treat people like my friend, nicole.
the other day, my sister said to me, "how do you do that? how do you go from singing a worship song one minute to snapping at me a second later?" because i had literally done that. that was an ugly moment. i can't stop thinking about those words. i think one of my biggest fears is living like that... singing the words of worship and not living them...
i'm really thankful for my parents' relationship & marriage. as i grow older, i notice that it has consistently been a solid rock and example that i turn to. that's really a gift. without it, i think i'd be scared of marriage.
i'm really learning that God is faithful these days. i know that statement sounds cliché, but it's kind of blowing my mind in a new way. also, that He's not done with me, and that He's not actually mad at me all the time. i'm learning to not live in condemnation, but to live in freedom and joy. and as He's changing my thinking, i notice i become lighter!
i miss becca.
i always go through phases with food. the one i'm really into now is kashi autumn wheat cereal with coconut milk in a mug. had it for breakfast and dinner yesterday and for dinner again tonight. and honestly, the only thing stoppin me from making it the only thing i eat is not being home for the rest of the meals.
my music of choice lately: christian rap & gospel music. just gimme that kirk franklin, andy mineo, beautiful eulogy, israel houghton!
i can't stop thinking about this verse: "she gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: "You are the God who sees me," for she said, "i have now seen the One who sees me." (genesis 16:13)
fresh air and sunshine make me come alive! seriously! if ever there's a day you're feeling drained of joy, go outside! move your body and spend time with the Creator in His creation! good for the soul. it feels like life is breathed back into me when i do. ... and it may or may not result in the above range of emotions (:
okay, i'm done. (: