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i will never forget this moment.

9/22/2016

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yesterday was pastor steve's funeral.  this man meant a great deal to me.  he started pastoring the church i grew up in in 1990, and retired in 2014.  so my formative years and then some, this man's voice is the one i heard every sunday.  every sunday his "have a wonderful, wonderful Lord's day" was said at the end of each message.  every time we clapped because his message was so kick-butt (which happened a lot) he would, without fail, point and look straight up to heaven so as to not receive any commendation for himself.  and our church's easter tradition was his loud, triumphant "HE IS RISEN!" from the pulpit, to which we all responded "HE IS RISEN INDEED!" three times, each time getting louder.  who i saw him to be towards others, outside of his messages, preached louder to my life than his messages.  he was truly a humble and very thankful man who knew he was human and who loved Jesus very, very much.  it's a strange thought to me that pastor steve is no longer on the earth.  like the world lost some goodness.
i think among the most beautiful moments in my twenty-three years, a specific part of that funeral is one of them.  first of all, the church i grew up in, the church i know every nook and cranny of, the church i used to run around in with my sisters when we were bored because mom and dad were talking to people in the cafeteria til the end of time we thought, was filled to overflowing with people.  it was like easter sunday- every chair filled, even in the balcony, and others tuning in through an online broadcast.  i've always thought funerals speak very loudly of what a person's life was like or about.  pastor steve's family had just entered (his wife, son, daughter, their spouses, and his grandkids) which made everyone quite misty-eyed, and one of the pastors asked us to rise and sing.  the first thing i thought was i am not going to sing right now, a little bit confused by why we were even being asked to.  then pastor mccourt (the worship pastor i grew up knowing too) asked that we would sing the words steve goold lived his life believing, and in Christ alone began playing.  i'll never forget all the tears and all the people raising their mourning, yet victorious hands in the air throughout the sanctuary at 
"no guilt in life, no fear in death,
this is the power of Christ in me;
from life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
no power of hell, no scheme of man,
can ever pluck me from His hand;
till He returns or calls me home,

here in the power of Christ i'll stand."
that image is forever locked in my mind.  sacred and holy.  i watched the truest form of family while so many people declared Jesus together in the midst of our sadness.  i can't do the scene justice.  the earthly loss is so sad, but there was so much deep hope and knowing that pastor steve is beholding his friend Jesus now, and that Jesus is glorious and good.  i will truly never forget it.  one of the most beautiful moments of my life.

also i was glad it was rainy and cloudy yesterday.  like the earth was mourning, too.
i also thought about how i've sang that song at a few of my dear friends' weddings too, and how beautiful it is to sing it at both weddings and funerals.  truth for all of life, every season.
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    "aslan, aslan. dear aslan,” sobbed lucy. “at last.”
    ​
    c.s. lewis

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