why is the office SO funny?
last night, my roommate kassandra and i met the group of five girls we would be leading this year at church youth group. i loved them the minute i met them. they kept making me smile. the little divas have been church friends since seventh grade and they talked over each other and passionately told us how annoying freshmen are (because they're sophomores, you know, and freshmen think they are the coolest things to walk the earth apparently ;)) and about whose high school was beating whose in football and about their gross homecoming dances and about how cool it was that one of them turned 16 early for her grade so she ALREADY HAS HER LICENSE! ... oh my gosh, i love them. i just met them and i love them. when i got home, one of them had gone through my instagram photos and liked EVERY SINGLE ONE. haha! this is going to be the best year. i seriously can't wait. it actually reminded me a lot of a chapter in homegirl shauna niequist's book, cold tangerines, where she talks about the ten sophomore girls who changed her life:
i am thankful for how God made our bodies to heal. a week ago today, i was miserable and dreading work because i was sick and today i feel healthy! so thankful.
yesterday i was thinking about what knowing God is like. if i could describe it in a tangible feeling.
it's like a warm heavy light that feels like it's where your heart is and settles in your shoulders, but not heavy like burdensome. heavy like, taking you over, and you so hope it does. it's a warm inner-settledness, like the deepest parts of your heart and soul are taking a constant deep breath because there's a sort of peace where there once wasn't. the heavy, warm light is hope that you can't explain. like even if the worst thing happened, it will never leave you. it's your soul confirming to your body that it has seen real goodness, real belonging. it's like it unblinds you and you can finally see everything clearly. a nod in your soul... yes, this is it. this is old dry bones standing up. like when the great lion aslan breathed into statues and they became real people. i'm not trying to paint a lala sunshine world that is knowing God. i do live in the world and know that people are mean and really, really hard things happen, even brutal and unspeakable things. and i also know what it's like to feel like God is so far away. i guess i don't know what to say about those things. except that it is hard. really hard. and that warm light (Jesus inside) is alive. and trustworthy. sometimes knowing that is everything. deep breaths are found there.