it's not just about hearing how much He loves me and wants the best possible life for me. more often, He has tasks for me to do. corrections to give. adjustments in my attitude to make.
and while He pours mercy all over my mistakes, He also insists on making me aware i've done wrong.
just like putting on my cochlear device is all mixed up with wonders and work, so putting on a heart to hear God is a mixed bag of delight and discipline.
but it is this day in, day out decision to abide in Him that allows me to really know Him. when i hear Him every day, the cadence of His voice becomes familiar. i know the difference between the way He speaks and that accusing voice of the enemy or that excusing voice of my own self-deception.
to hear Him now is my greatest delight. early every morning, before the world awakes, i meet Him in the quiet. i open my Bible, pick up my pen, and wait for words, inviting Him to speak to me, writing what i hear. i bring my honest hurts to Him, my hopes, my fears, all the angst i cannot handle on my own. i worship. i seek wisdom. i wait.
in that intimacy i know His nearness. i feel hope. i am safe.
i know better now, than to think that listening to God will free me from all my troubles. my story won't let me lose myself down that rock-strewn path again. and i don't carve out space to hear because i am disciplined, but because i want Him, all of Him.
i need God in a way i never knew i did before."
- diane comer, He speaks in the silence, page 194