trust.

i had a mini-revelation recently with my friend, lauren, that is kind of transforming me these days.  i was telling her about some frustrations i've been having with not feeling loved by God but not really knowing how to feel loved by Him, as well as frustrations with the purpose and meaning of my life, and how to view myself as a child of God in the midst of just feeling dry and less-than-valuable.  after this, i came to the conclusion that i was operating on my feelings again and that my relationship with God is deeper than how i feel a certain day, and my feelings certainly do not change who i am in His sight.  and, ultimately, i realized i need to trust God in those moments of dry-ness that He is who He says He is and does what He says He does.

this lead lauren to say that looking at the grand scheme of life, isn't trust the central exercise we as followers of Christ need to practice?  trust that He is a provider. trust that He loves us just like He says He does.  trust that He listens and responds to prayer.  trust in the truth the Bible claims.  trust that He forgives.  trust that He redeems us... and on and on...

foundational trust that He is who He says He is and does what He says He does.


so now these days, anytime i am inclined to point my finger at Him in accusation that He has somehow left me or does not respond to prayer or changed His mind about loving me or is no longer making me new, i am learning to trust Him despite how i feel or what i think.. because feelings and thoughts change.

sidenote:  i have found that this practice of trusting Him must be paired with reading and studying the scripture.  because how else are we to know what to trust?  it's too easy to make assumptions that aren't based on truth about God and His character and trust those false assumptions.  we want our trust to be based in truth, right?!

ultimately, His ways and thoughts are not our ways and thoughts and it's impossible to understand Him fully, so we need to trust what we do not know about Him or about life to the God who has proven Himself trustworthy throughout the generations.  and ain't it grand to have such a God?!  so much security and peace come too!

and so, i am increasingly thankful that He is trustworthy.